Cant I have all the guys in my foot?
Damn it the amount of ppl that i like is fucked but thats just day to day thing. The worse is that type of crush who you cant forget even after years since you last saw him. Thats some bs that i kinda forgot because the bs that happening right now well yeah.
Obvi there are lots of people involved and at the end i fucking hate my choice or not still unsure because of the fucking unlived moments with the other peorson. and i am always like damn it how would my fucing life be right now if i was with him.
This stupid story began when i came back from living abroad for 2 years. Of cource i had no friends not bacause i was in another city or another school but bacause friends lets be fucking honest they are not smt you can trust they are just for the benefit but once the weights are agaist you hah they you will be stabbed. Okey betrayed. And i am not blaming anyone cuz i am gonna do the same. Yeas i mean i wont be the good which everyone is using and squeezing damn it (not into the possibility of world peace). In a nutshell i had to start anew. It wasnt that bad after spending about 1 month in depression because of ahh that cute guy who i spend my childhood with. We are talking here about my crush and about um hah 2-3 years dreaming of being together and at the end he didnt even say hi when we met again. Oh god how i fucking want to stab him. And yet shh i still want him secretly but shh. And even though i met him everyweek we didnt say a word. Then i found out he just got a gf plus things at school were getting interesting i would say.
So in the beggining i was the new girl and no one spoke to me (almost). I sat at the first row in the middle. This was my plan study at scool and then i would have time to study and work at what i atually care about cuz lest be honest i didt know more than 50 % of the bs that we study. However in breaks peeps usually get around some neerd to talk about the next lesson and that guy happened to be just behind me so i listened. U know whats next yeah. I fucking liked him. I remember how turned on i got when he said smt smart. Damn it brain and hormones. I also remeber just looking at him and how we would be making out later hah. For some reason however there was this so popular girl with super curly hair. and idk how i thought they like each other. So because we were in a mathematical highschool with speciality IT the ratio 22 boys to 6 girls (think that 2 of those girls were lets say not pretty (lets not lie each other the real ugliness)) i had pretty good odds. So i liked smart asses and i took interest ofcorse in the smart IT dude, who is fucking funny, blond hair, blue so deep eyes, i mean idk how i didnt saw him earlier. So i tried chatting it was kinda ok. I mean i was able to get him to write happy new year i thnk that was the only time he wrote smt to me first. I thouhgt i need to stop chatting after 2 3 time starting convo with only 5 lines produced by both of us. Woow when exactly did i start likeing him. So there was that other girl(from the beautyfull once but shy) we were kinda friends i mean we talked sometimes. So i figured she likes smo. i told her i like that my first crush. But with my FBR skill i was able from the following: she walkes with him after schol (so he is from school) , once after school she went to walk with this 2 guys wich was fucking weird cuz she neigher lives there nor talkes with them ever, so yeah i figured kinda who she likes. The problem again my blue eyes, blond hair guy. like i was seriously from 22 people seriously. The next problem i was just getting over him and that kinda make me like him more. Cuz i never been in love with the same guy with some other girl (at least for what i know).
And what happened on 20 february he wirte me hei. I was screaming . We chatted all night. He didnt stop talking about my dirty dancing after school and how he wanted to see me. And now i am thinking i hope no one who knows me reads this. hah probabl not. so he had bday on 21 first so he said he would give me chocolate for a dance. the next day hah we could even talk to each othe rwe were damn shy. but it was amazing. like because he was the same row as me we constantly looked at each other and stared and aaah. i mean i was in paradise. like i didnt care about anything else. Interestling when i want to impress smo i talk more, i laugh more and i say so much stupid shit. but it was like i am on drugs seriosly (I WANT MORE OFFFF THISSS). So the next day we didnt chat and i was literary like this was one day thing. and then at like 23 oclock i couldnt wait and wrote him hi. And like what are you doing. he said dirty things. from which the convo went in summary like: tell me, no , pls, no, a letter, no, pls, guess, um hah i am thinking smt, what, i am ashamed, say , no, say, ok fap, no , oh, but i do that to and the things discussed were in that field. to fetishes and how many people have you maked out with ( he with one and that girl i know since 9 years old i almost never talked to her but remeber her because our bdays are on the same day 12.3). at that moment i was dump because i didnt know the meaning of that word in my language so i wrote wooow. wooooowww. WOOOW. and he what. and i should i idk virginity and stuff. and he of cource explaied what it means but with was this wave taht makes you tremmble. yeah. then the next day we went to the most maybe disturbing but idk thing taht he said and that was: smt i want to make out with smo that i dont really have to like and be with. (the other odd thing was that with that girl they werent dating because he doesnt think that smt needed and its stupid or smt like taht). so i was thinking fine. i really like him i dont mind if it would be like that. i also like him how many ppl do u like he said three. he asked me the same and i said 2. he guesed that the person is the other smart dude. which was hah embaresing and as i think about it now. who figured i like him and him. hmmm. odd. So i asked him to reveal the names and he said taht girl the not-really-but-ex-girlfriend which still bugs me cuz when i see her i am like ughhhhhh she kissed that beautifull soft lips and blue eyes and huged him and they are friends and damn it. yeah like wtf they are still friends like whaaa. they sould hate each other. i asked for more and he said me. which was liek woooooooooooooooooooooooow. whch kinda turned me off. it was tooo easy. and why on messanger like. huge turn off. meaning bluh not really like him anymore. i said he might be the second guy. which i think i shouldnt have. but u dont think in such situations. like the information doesnt pass the brain like you are drunk. drunk in hormones from stupidity. then we talked about sex and how we wanna makeout and shit lke that. but smt was lost. and i kinda lost interest. but what happened . but beacuse we stopped chatting i started liking him again. and btw at that time i had a bf. but he was not in the same city and i kinda didnt like him. well i did before he told me he likes me. like seriosly the moment he wrote that. why everything happenes on messanger.
And what happened on 20 february he wirte me hei. I was screaming . We chatted all night. He didnt stop talking about my dirty dancing after school and how he wanted to see me. And now i am thinking i hope no one who knows me reads this. hah probabl not. so he had bday on 21 first so he said he would give me chocolate for a dance. the next day hah we could even talk to each othe rwe were damn shy. but it was amazing. like because he was the same row as me we constantly looked at each other and stared and aaah. i mean i was in paradise. like i didnt care about anything else. Interestling when i want to impress smo i talk more, i laugh more and i say so much stupid shit. but it was like i am on drugs seriosly (I WANT MORE OFFFF THISSS). So the next day we didnt chat and i was literary like this was one day thing. and then at like 23 oclock i couldnt wait and wrote him hi. And like what are you doing. he said dirty things. from which the convo went in summary like: tell me, no , pls, no, a letter, no, pls, guess, um hah i am thinking smt, what, i am ashamed, say , no, say, ok fap, no , oh, but i do that to and the things discussed were in that field. to fetishes and how many people have you maked out with ( he with one and that girl i know since 9 years old i almost never talked to her but remeber her because our bdays are on the same day 12.3). at that moment i was dump because i didnt know the meaning of that word in my language so i wrote wooow. wooooowww. WOOOW. and he what. and i should i idk virginity and stuff. and he of cource explaied what it means but with was this wave taht makes you tremmble. yeah. then the next day we went to the most maybe disturbing but idk thing taht he said and that was: smt i want to make out with smo that i dont really have to like and be with. (the other odd thing was that with that girl they werent dating because he doesnt think that smt needed and its stupid or smt like taht). so i was thinking fine. i really like him i dont mind if it would be like that. i also like him how many ppl do u like he said three. he asked me the same and i said 2. he guesed that the person is the other smart dude. which was hah embaresing and as i think about it now. who figured i like him and him. hmmm. odd. So i asked him to reveal the names and he said taht girl the not-really-but-ex-girlfriend which still bugs me cuz when i see her i am like ughhhhhh she kissed that beautifull soft lips and blue eyes and huged him and they are friends and damn it. yeah like wtf they are still friends like whaaa. they sould hate each other. i asked for more and he said me. which was liek woooooooooooooooooooooooow. whch kinda turned me off. it was tooo easy. and why on messanger like. huge turn off. meaning bluh not really like him anymore. i said he might be the second guy. which i think i shouldnt have. but u dont think in such situations. like the information doesnt pass the brain like you are drunk. drunk in hormones from stupidity. then we talked about sex and how we wanna makeout and shit lke that. but smt was lost. and i kinda lost interest. but what happened . but beacuse we stopped chatting i started liking him again. and btw at that time i had a bf. but he was not in the same city and i kinda didnt like him. well i did before he told me he likes me. like seriosly the moment he wrote that. why everything happenes on messanger.
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